The Good
I had the most wonderful birthday! Mir came by in the morning, brought some birthday goodies (I LOVE the p.j.s!), we took a few pictures, then she took me to FCC for my cocktail. Got that done and Marty picked me up. Came home and the phone calls, text messages and the net Birthday greetings were non-stop all day! I have such wonderful people in my life! The day was so pleasant. I had a fund raiser on Facebook for AML for my birthday and the response was beyond my hopes! Thanks all!
The Bad
Saturday I knew things weren't quite right. Didn't feel bad just didn't feel good. Sunday, just a little worse. A little petechiae. Not as much as I have had before so I didn't panic. Figured we'd deal with it Monday morning when I went to FCC for CBC.
Monday FCC for counts. sigh. My platelets were at 0. Didn't even register. Peggy gave me my cocktail with a twist of vitamins & Nulasta while she set up for me to go to Germantown Methodist for platelet & blood transfusions. Little did I know it would turn into a 4 day stay. While there, Allison had a birthday, Ian celebrated (?) his 25th Birthday and Gary had a birthday. Happy Birthday! Also Marty had a FedEx anniversary. Busy week.
The Ugly
Another thing that happened while I was there...my hair started falling out. My favorite. It absolutely drives me crazy! Itchy little hairs! So Ashley, Ian's girlfriend, did the honors of shaving my head. First into a mohawk, then a little tuft of hair just in the very front, then the entire head. All of 3 South seemed to enjoy this little ritual. Chaplin Jack just kept walking by, glancing in, shaking his head and walking away. With the mohawk I looked very much like Manny the Mammoth from Ice Age. "I'm not fat! I'm poofy!" A good time was had by all.
I was realeased on Thursday. Got a good nights sleep in my own bed. Went to FCC on Friday for counts check and (sigh again) platelets sucked. Off to St. Frances for Platelets. They got us going fairly quickly. Gave me my premeds then there was a 1 hour delay on the platelets coming up. Once they got there, they were frozen and had to be defrosted. About half way thru I started having a reaction (probably becuz the benedryl was not at it's peek anymore) and having done this before, I knew what was happening right away. Nurse comes running in, sees the welts, runs out, calls Doc Weeks. By the time he called back I was COVERED! Gave me a steroid and by the time the bag was finished and I was getting in the car, all was pretty much cleared up.
The weekend was uneventful! I love uneventful!
Monday I went to FCC for Counts. All are finally slowly but surely rising on their own. No longer neutropenic! yea! Peggy put the blood kit together for me to FedEx to Vandy. Got that sent. Got a reprieve from FCC until Thursday! YEEHAA! So now I'm just working on getting some energy back. hanging out. doing a little here and there. Really want to make a quilt before I go to Vandy so I can have something colorful. Really want to get some pictures in albums. sigh (once again). amazing how fast a day can go by even when you aren't doing anything.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
CAUTION!!! If you don't want to read "the down side" don't read this post!
THE week...
I don't often get angry. Very rarely actually. I get sad, frustrated, overwhelmed, but not angry. What's the point? Nothing good comes from it. It doesn't solve anything. No, I'm more of a happy go lucky, one day at a time, seat of my pants kinda girl. Like Peggy says, "you can only eat an elephant one bite at a time."
This week, however, I saw sides of me that were very different to say the least. I've been angry more times this week than I have been in the last several years.
This is THE week. The week after chemo. If anything bad can happen, this is the week it does. Not just medically. ANYTHING! This is my exorcism post. This is the post where I'm going to get this week out of my system so I can move on.
Seer Sunday - feeling pretty good. starting to feel the downsides of chemo but all in all pretty good. My PICC line arm is a little swollen, red, feverish, and very tender to the touch. Never had this happen before so a little concerned.
Manic Monday - Antibiotic/fluids cocktail at FCC. Peggy takes a look at the arm and decides to give me my cocktail thru a new IV instead of the PICC line and then sends me to G'town. Meth. so Radiology can take a look. I took a xanax, I get a new PICC line put in the other arm and then OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! they pulled out the messed up one. Yes, I freaking screamed. and cried. and I was completely still as I did. = ) It seems the PICC line had some how gotten "irritated" (boy, can I relate to that) but not "infected". I would rate this procedure right up there with a bone marrow biopsy. From there I went home and started to feel what the week was gonna be about. BUT!!!! At least I went home!!!
Tuesday - I would call Tuesday...Anticipation. I was scheduled for my cocktail and a bone marrow biopsy. Got my cocktail, my CBC was in the crapper so Dr. Weeks said get platelets in the morning and then we'll do the biopsy after at his St. Francis office. Fine by me. Any excuse NOT to get a bone marrow biopsy.
Wicked Wednesday - Ah Wednesday. I know what I'm in for. I know there will be no putting it off again. I'm prepared. HA! Up at 5:30. (which is the devil's time of day!) At St. Francis Hospital by 7:30. Get platelets without a hitch (love that benedryl). Next door to FCC for cocktail and BMB. Still kinda drowsy from the benedryl. 2 doses of demerol. BMB. I won't go into it here but I've decided that demerol intensifies pain to me. I could be wrong. And I really paid attention this time to see what part was so bad that made me get so worked up??? It isn't the actual biopsy. I'm dead for that. I feel pressure but not pain. It's the damn shots that deaden you!!! Once I got thru those, there was no turning back! I was hysterical! I don't get hysterical!!! and I was ANGRY!!! I don't get angry!!! I was yelling and screaming NEVER AGAIN!!! okay. so who is this hysterical woman that is angry and screaming???
It took me the rest of the day to calm down. I slept for all but about an hour of the rest of the day. Oh. One more thing. At the end of all this I get told I'll be getting 2 units of blood tomorrow morning at 9:00 at St. Frances. sigh.
Thursday - we haven't even begun to see anger yet. = ) Yesterday's was a tiny little voice. Today we meet the monster herself. I woke up to a demerol hangover. Was at St. Francis at 9:00. Feeling positive cuz today is just blood and my cocktail. Easy day. I saw the most amazing red tulips on the way there. Across the entire front of the house. Simply beautiful! "You're on the schedule but we have no orders. We'll call and take care of it. In the meantime we'll get you registered blah blah blah". No problem! We do the paperwork, all is going well, they get me upstairs to a room cuz an old lady in a Michael Jackson germ mask is not what a hospital needs in their waiting room. = ) Time goes by. Marty speaks with Dr. Weeks office. They've faxed the orders for the second time. cool. Time goes by. My nurse keeps telling me there are no orders. I go to the nurses station and offer to go next door to Dr. Weeks' office and pick up the damn orders myself and to hell with fax machines! They said no. hm. I called Dr. Weeks office. Jackie says she has faxed them 3 times. I say to what number? She tells me, I tell the nurse. We have orders! They do the type and cross. Time goes by. It's now 1:00. I go to the nurses station and from no where this old woman starts getting hysterically angry and omg! it's me! I tell them "forget the blood! I want to go home. NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" It's freaking 1:00 and we are NO WHERE! I had a 12:00 appointment at FCC for my cocktail. That's been canceled and I HAVE to get it so now I get to stay longer and get it at the hospital! "But, Mrs. Bishop, your blood is here now." They pre-med me (go figure). For the next 2 hrs, I lie sobbing on a hospital bed while blood gets pumped into my body. I'm not saying this for aws or poor babys. I'm saying this becuz it's what happened. I'm over drugged and overly sensitive to EVERYTHING! This isn't the end. My machine goes off at the end of the first unit. The nurse comes in, turns it off, and looks all around the room. hm. My 2nd unit of blood is....lost. sigh. I don't even care anymore. I quietly turn over. She calls the blood bank, it's found rather quickly (it had been sent back in a cooler...oooops.) and on with the show. I have so removed myself from the situation there is just no reaction left in me. At 4:00 they come in and tell me they have to move me to another room cuz this section closes at 4:30. whatever. At 5:30 they start the antibiotics and I'm out of there by 6. Notice how quickly I end this section. I got out of the hospital even quicker. As soon as the machine went off, I started down the hall and the nurse had to chase me down to "unhook me".
Today is Friday. I'm suppose to only get my cocktail at 10:30. Mir's taking me. It's also my birthday. I plan to spend the weekend as far away from Drs. and Hospitals as I possibly can. If I can do that. It's a good day.
Thanks for letting me vent.
I Love You ALL!
I don't often get angry. Very rarely actually. I get sad, frustrated, overwhelmed, but not angry. What's the point? Nothing good comes from it. It doesn't solve anything. No, I'm more of a happy go lucky, one day at a time, seat of my pants kinda girl. Like Peggy says, "you can only eat an elephant one bite at a time."
This week, however, I saw sides of me that were very different to say the least. I've been angry more times this week than I have been in the last several years.
This is THE week. The week after chemo. If anything bad can happen, this is the week it does. Not just medically. ANYTHING! This is my exorcism post. This is the post where I'm going to get this week out of my system so I can move on.
Seer Sunday - feeling pretty good. starting to feel the downsides of chemo but all in all pretty good. My PICC line arm is a little swollen, red, feverish, and very tender to the touch. Never had this happen before so a little concerned.
Manic Monday - Antibiotic/fluids cocktail at FCC. Peggy takes a look at the arm and decides to give me my cocktail thru a new IV instead of the PICC line and then sends me to G'town. Meth. so Radiology can take a look. I took a xanax, I get a new PICC line put in the other arm and then OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! they pulled out the messed up one. Yes, I freaking screamed. and cried. and I was completely still as I did. = ) It seems the PICC line had some how gotten "irritated" (boy, can I relate to that) but not "infected". I would rate this procedure right up there with a bone marrow biopsy. From there I went home and started to feel what the week was gonna be about. BUT!!!! At least I went home!!!
Tuesday - I would call Tuesday...Anticipation. I was scheduled for my cocktail and a bone marrow biopsy. Got my cocktail, my CBC was in the crapper so Dr. Weeks said get platelets in the morning and then we'll do the biopsy after at his St. Francis office. Fine by me. Any excuse NOT to get a bone marrow biopsy.
Wicked Wednesday - Ah Wednesday. I know what I'm in for. I know there will be no putting it off again. I'm prepared. HA! Up at 5:30. (which is the devil's time of day!) At St. Francis Hospital by 7:30. Get platelets without a hitch (love that benedryl). Next door to FCC for cocktail and BMB. Still kinda drowsy from the benedryl. 2 doses of demerol. BMB. I won't go into it here but I've decided that demerol intensifies pain to me. I could be wrong. And I really paid attention this time to see what part was so bad that made me get so worked up??? It isn't the actual biopsy. I'm dead for that. I feel pressure but not pain. It's the damn shots that deaden you!!! Once I got thru those, there was no turning back! I was hysterical! I don't get hysterical!!! and I was ANGRY!!! I don't get angry!!! I was yelling and screaming NEVER AGAIN!!! okay. so who is this hysterical woman that is angry and screaming???
It took me the rest of the day to calm down. I slept for all but about an hour of the rest of the day. Oh. One more thing. At the end of all this I get told I'll be getting 2 units of blood tomorrow morning at 9:00 at St. Frances. sigh.
Thursday - we haven't even begun to see anger yet. = ) Yesterday's was a tiny little voice. Today we meet the monster herself. I woke up to a demerol hangover. Was at St. Francis at 9:00. Feeling positive cuz today is just blood and my cocktail. Easy day. I saw the most amazing red tulips on the way there. Across the entire front of the house. Simply beautiful! "You're on the schedule but we have no orders. We'll call and take care of it. In the meantime we'll get you registered blah blah blah". No problem! We do the paperwork, all is going well, they get me upstairs to a room cuz an old lady in a Michael Jackson germ mask is not what a hospital needs in their waiting room. = ) Time goes by. Marty speaks with Dr. Weeks office. They've faxed the orders for the second time. cool. Time goes by. My nurse keeps telling me there are no orders. I go to the nurses station and offer to go next door to Dr. Weeks' office and pick up the damn orders myself and to hell with fax machines! They said no. hm. I called Dr. Weeks office. Jackie says she has faxed them 3 times. I say to what number? She tells me, I tell the nurse. We have orders! They do the type and cross. Time goes by. It's now 1:00. I go to the nurses station and from no where this old woman starts getting hysterically angry and omg! it's me! I tell them "forget the blood! I want to go home. NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" It's freaking 1:00 and we are NO WHERE! I had a 12:00 appointment at FCC for my cocktail. That's been canceled and I HAVE to get it so now I get to stay longer and get it at the hospital! "But, Mrs. Bishop, your blood is here now." They pre-med me (go figure). For the next 2 hrs, I lie sobbing on a hospital bed while blood gets pumped into my body. I'm not saying this for aws or poor babys. I'm saying this becuz it's what happened. I'm over drugged and overly sensitive to EVERYTHING! This isn't the end. My machine goes off at the end of the first unit. The nurse comes in, turns it off, and looks all around the room. hm. My 2nd unit of blood is....lost. sigh. I don't even care anymore. I quietly turn over. She calls the blood bank, it's found rather quickly (it had been sent back in a cooler...oooops.) and on with the show. I have so removed myself from the situation there is just no reaction left in me. At 4:00 they come in and tell me they have to move me to another room cuz this section closes at 4:30. whatever. At 5:30 they start the antibiotics and I'm out of there by 6. Notice how quickly I end this section. I got out of the hospital even quicker. As soon as the machine went off, I started down the hall and the nurse had to chase me down to "unhook me".
Today is Friday. I'm suppose to only get my cocktail at 10:30. Mir's taking me. It's also my birthday. I plan to spend the weekend as far away from Drs. and Hospitals as I possibly can. If I can do that. It's a good day.
Thanks for letting me vent.
I Love You ALL!
Monday, March 16, 2009
Observations
My kids look at pictures of me from just 2 years ago and tell me I "look weird with hair". They have had 19 and 23 years looking at the same mom but the way I look now is how they see me and remember me. I don't see me as the much older, graying, tired woman I have become of the past year. I still see me as me. Okay, until my eyes catch a glimpse of that old woman in the mirror that has taken my place. This has prompted me to find the (very few) pictures I had taken, that I actually like of me, before my adventure began last May. I'm posting them here as a reminder for my kids and for anyone else that doesn't still see me as I do. So neener. 
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Love you all!
Friday, March 13, 2009
Return of the Chemo Brain...
I got my last dose of chemo today. All has gone very well. Had to get platelets yesterday so I slept all day due to the benadryl. Tuesday & Wednesday, as far as I can remember, were good days. Today I'm doing the Tim Conway shuffle on the outside and the daytona 500 on the inside. Platelets went up on their own after the transfusion, which is very good. HCT went up as well, without a transfusion and that's REAL good. Whites are dropping as they're suppose to and that's good except next week should be the bad week becuz of it. Next week is FCC everyday for antibiotics and fluids and hopefully no hospital for transfusions or fever, etc. Being at home this time has been so wonderful! (It's a little easier on Marty, too.) I'm posting a picture of my Chemo Nurse, whom I can't imagine life without now. Her name is Peggy but here she's Daisy = )
There are lots more but I'll stop here for now. Thanks to everyone that came! I had a wonderful time!
Enough wonderful things can't be said about this wonderful person in my life. I just want to take her home with me.
Thanks to Mir, I have pictures from the cook out we had Sunday before this adventure began on Monday so here are a few of those....
There are lots more but I'll stop here for now. Thanks to everyone that came! I had a wonderful time!
Love you all!
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
I'm off to see the Wizard...again
Here we go again. The facts are, I decided enough time had passed and the whole Leukemia thing was far enough behind me that it was time to take care of "normal" healthcare. Get my eyes checked (they got much worse with the chemo), go see Doc Gina for "rue"tine stuff, dentist, you know the drill. So, on February 20th, I go see Gina, she runs the usual blood tests, gives me a script for celebrex cuz of pain in my joints, all that "normal" stuff. On February 23rd, I go get my eyes checked. On February 25th, Gina calls me back in cuz she doesn't like my blood work results. I get it retested and she says..."your counts are half what they were when you saw Dr. Weeks in January. You need to go get a bone marrow biopsy tomorrow". Uh, no. Gina, being Gina says, Uh, yes! FINE! So on February 26th I get to go see my beloved Dr. Weeks for a beloved bone marrow biopsy. On March 3rd I went back in for the results, it's back. I went thru all 7 emotions, you know, denial, anger, depression, accepts, ect in 2.3 seconds flat. The plan was the same as last time. 1 Month in the hospital getting chemo 24/7 the first week, feeling like a zombie the second cuz the chemo literally wipes out your white blood cells, and then building me back up week 3 & 4. Then I was to go to Vanderbuilt in Nashville to do all the pre stuff for a bone marrow transplant, then come home until they were ready for me then go back for 100 days. In other words, 09 was planned out for me. Then on Friday morning, March 6th, I get a call from my sweetest nurse, Miss Peggy at FCC, and she says, change of plan. I'm getting my chemo as an out-patient!!!! She totally made my day! I go to FCC every day for a couple of hours for pre-meds and chemo for 5 days. Doc Weeks is trying something different this time working closely with my doc at Vanderbuilt, Dr. Jagasia. So yesterday, I went to Germantown Methodist at 8:30 a.m. (the devil's time of day) and got my PICC line put in. Started chemo yesterday (a beautiful royal blue!), took a xanax for the PICC line procedure so was asleep most of the day, thru chemo, thru breakfast, thru sex...j/k. Today was my second day of chemo, all is well, I feel good, I'm awake. Visitors and phone calls are welcome until I turn into a stick in the mud.Love you all!
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