CAUTION!!! If you don't want to read "the down side" don't read this post!

THE week...


I don't often get angry. Very rarely actually. I get sad, frustrated, overwhelmed, but not angry. What's the point? Nothing good comes from it. It doesn't solve anything. No, I'm more of a happy go lucky, one day at a time, seat of my pants kinda girl. Like Peggy says, "you can only eat an elephant one bite at a time."


This week, however, I saw sides of me that were very different to say the least. I've been angry more times this week than I have been in the last several years.


This is THE week. The week after chemo. If anything bad can happen, this is the week it does. Not just medically. ANYTHING! This is my exorcism post. This is the post where I'm going to get this week out of my system so I can move on.


Seer Sunday - feeling pretty good. starting to feel the downsides of chemo but all in all pretty good. My PICC line arm is a little swollen, red, feverish, and very tender to the touch. Never had this happen before so a little concerned.


Manic Monday - Antibiotic/fluids cocktail at FCC. Peggy takes a look at the arm and decides to give me my cocktail thru a new IV instead of the PICC line and then sends me to G'town. Meth. so Radiology can take a look. I took a xanax, I get a new PICC line put in the other arm and then OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! they pulled out the messed up one. Yes, I freaking screamed. and cried. and I was completely still as I did. = ) It seems the PICC line had some how gotten "irritated" (boy, can I relate to that) but not "infected". I would rate this procedure right up there with a bone marrow biopsy. From there I went home and started to feel what the week was gonna be about. BUT!!!! At least I went home!!!


Tuesday - I would call Tuesday...Anticipation. I was scheduled for my cocktail and a bone marrow biopsy. Got my cocktail, my CBC was in the crapper so Dr. Weeks said get platelets in the morning and then we'll do the biopsy after at his St. Francis office. Fine by me. Any excuse NOT to get a bone marrow biopsy.


Wicked Wednesday - Ah Wednesday. I know what I'm in for. I know there will be no putting it off again. I'm prepared. HA! Up at 5:30. (which is the devil's time of day!) At St. Francis Hospital by 7:30. Get platelets without a hitch (love that benedryl). Next door to FCC for cocktail and BMB. Still kinda drowsy from the benedryl. 2 doses of demerol. BMB. I won't go into it here but I've decided that demerol intensifies pain to me. I could be wrong. And I really paid attention this time to see what part was so bad that made me get so worked up??? It isn't the actual biopsy. I'm dead for that. I feel pressure but not pain. It's the damn shots that deaden you!!! Once I got thru those, there was no turning back! I was hysterical! I don't get hysterical!!! and I was ANGRY!!! I don't get angry!!! I was yelling and screaming NEVER AGAIN!!! okay. so who is this hysterical woman that is angry and screaming???


It took me the rest of the day to calm down. I slept for all but about an hour of the rest of the day. Oh. One more thing. At the end of all this I get told I'll be getting 2 units of blood tomorrow morning at 9:00 at St. Frances. sigh.


Thursday - we haven't even begun to see anger yet. = ) Yesterday's was a tiny little voice. Today we meet the monster herself. I woke up to a demerol hangover. Was at St. Francis at 9:00. Feeling positive cuz today is just blood and my cocktail. Easy day. I saw the most amazing red tulips on the way there. Across the entire front of the house. Simply beautiful! "You're on the schedule but we have no orders. We'll call and take care of it. In the meantime we'll get you registered blah blah blah". No problem! We do the paperwork, all is going well, they get me upstairs to a room cuz an old lady in a Michael Jackson germ mask is not what a hospital needs in their waiting room. = ) Time goes by. Marty speaks with Dr. Weeks office. They've faxed the orders for the second time. cool. Time goes by. My nurse keeps telling me there are no orders. I go to the nurses station and offer to go next door to Dr. Weeks' office and pick up the damn orders myself and to hell with fax machines! They said no. hm. I called Dr. Weeks office. Jackie says she has faxed them 3 times. I say to what number? She tells me, I tell the nurse. We have orders! They do the type and cross. Time goes by. It's now 1:00. I go to the nurses station and from no where this old woman starts getting hysterically angry and omg! it's me! I tell them "forget the blood! I want to go home. NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" It's freaking 1:00 and we are NO WHERE! I had a 12:00 appointment at FCC for my cocktail. That's been canceled and I HAVE to get it so now I get to stay longer and get it at the hospital! "But, Mrs. Bishop, your blood is here now." They pre-med me (go figure). For the next 2 hrs, I lie sobbing on a hospital bed while blood gets pumped into my body. I'm not saying this for aws or poor babys. I'm saying this becuz it's what happened. I'm over drugged and overly sensitive to EVERYTHING! This isn't the end. My machine goes off at the end of the first unit. The nurse comes in, turns it off, and looks all around the room. hm. My 2nd unit of blood is....lost. sigh. I don't even care anymore. I quietly turn over. She calls the blood bank, it's found rather quickly (it had been sent back in a cooler...oooops.) and on with the show. I have so removed myself from the situation there is just no reaction left in me. At 4:00 they come in and tell me they have to move me to another room cuz this section closes at 4:30. whatever. At 5:30 they start the antibiotics and I'm out of there by 6. Notice how quickly I end this section. I got out of the hospital even quicker. As soon as the machine went off, I started down the hall and the nurse had to chase me down to "unhook me".


Today is Friday. I'm suppose to only get my cocktail at 10:30. Mir's taking me. It's also my birthday. I plan to spend the weekend as far away from Drs. and Hospitals as I possibly can. If I can do that. It's a good day.


Thanks for letting me vent.


I Love You ALL!